I stopped smoking. On June 30th, I sucked the last puff of nicotine filled air into my lungs. I made a commitment to try to be a healthier me. And I did it, yes I did. But it has been far from easy, and the pangs of longing still linger. Actually, I think when I returned home, back to my own house, my own schedule, my own space, the difficulty started again. But still, I haven't rolled a smoke or lit one up either. I've tried to steer clear of smoking to make it easier on myself. Not easy when I have a smoker for a husband. But this is my choice, not his, not other smokers, and I am the one who needs to be strong, the one who can be proud.
I quit smoking to become a healthier person. I hated waking up coughing, hated my kids asking me not to breathe by them cuz my breath stinks. I hated the brown colored fingers and the gums that were beginning to turn a darkish color inside my mouth. I hated the feeling of being addicted, needing a smoke before I could accomplish anything else in the morning; telling my kids I'd play a game "after I have a smoke". I never enjoyed being a smoker, as much as I needed to smoke. I tried to hide my habit from friends, and always played down my smoking schedule. It wasn't fun being a smoker hidden in the brain of a non-smoker.
So, I quit. I made a conscious decision to quit smoking, chose a date, and followed through. And now, for as long as I can be strong and value myself, I can call myself a non-smoker. I hope it's forever.
Now it's time to focus on my weight issues which lately have been screaming out of control. I desire a healthier me, but being overweight has been a health issue foremost in my life since I was just a kid. Stopping smoking has been good, but bad for my already existent weight issues. It is time to get a handle on this problem and really work at finding health. I am making a conscious decision to get control over my eating habits. I have tried numerous times in the past with various rates of success. I am ready to claim back my health.