Health

Today I spent the morning at the hospital.  This time, it was just for control of the breast cancer scare early last year.  I did my tests (another day of getting poked all over trying to find a vein) and was told no results other than to speak with my doctor later in the week.  The good news is there was no biopsy this time around, so I am assuming everything looked okay.  But why do they let you worry for days if there is nothing wrong.  Why can't they say "Everything looks good.  You can make an appt with your doctor for followup advice."  Then at least you know the score, where you stand in the race.  So, Erwin made me an appt for Thursday and I'll hear what they have to say.  If there is time left over, I can discuss with my doc one of the MANY other issues I need to see her about.  This health stuff, it's driving me CRAZY!

I'm not entirely sure when it started but in the past couple years I have so many health issues it's starting to sincerely drive me crazy.  I mean, as in, one of the problems I want to discuss with my doctor is this weird feeling happening in my head.  I always feel as if I am living in a dream.  I forget things quickly and easily, and even simple little things seem very foggy, just as if you sort of remember a dream, bits and pieces of it, but it doesn't all fit together quite correctly.  It's actually a very scary feeling, and I am not sure if something is physically wrong with me or if the stress of life has finally caught up to me and I really am going crazy.  In any case, this is an issue I am somewhat scared to bring up.  I mean, I don't want a referal to a psych but I also don't want a brain surgeon...yet there is a real and definite problem and it is affecting MANY areas of my life, including my relationships with all my family members.  I am very easily angered and frustrated, and a large part of that has to do with not actually being able to be present due to this fogginess.  I take it out on my family because I truly cannot concentrate on more than one voice, sound or movemnet at a time...which isn't reality.  The headaches that come with this are extreme.

This is just one honorable mention in the list that I have made of health issues.  I am a 42 year old woman feeling like a demented 85 year old.  And as my mind fails me, so does my body.  It's just no fun!!  So, Thursday I have an appointment with my doctor.  I hope the news brings some sense of relief, and gives me an opening to walk out into the light once again, leaving the fog behind me, instead of surrounding.