5.04.2016

Teenagers Are HARD!

It has been ages since I wrote a post.  I am feeling the need again lately, just to connect with that place inside myself that I only release through writing.  Today has been a day all about teeneagers, and what exactly that means.  I remember being a teen...I wasn't a bad kid, but was somewhat rebellious.  I didn't have a lot of friends and never went to parties.  I do not ever remember thinking my parents were stupid or dumb or idiots, but I am sure that must have happened at some time during my teen years.  I liked being at home but I was depressed being a kind of odd kid...I wanted to fit in, but never quite did.  Even though I was very involved in clubs and school activities and sports, I never completely fit in to any group.  I was probably one of those kids everyone has heard of, but noone really remembers.  I kind of think that whole "being" has moved with me through life.  At this point, I no longer care about fitting in, though at times i do wish i had more friendships i could nurture.  I still have many people I know, but still don't have that group of people I can be totally myself with and don't have to pretend...except for a very special few...

Today I placed a memory on Facebook sharing Jari's signing up with highschool and his school of choice.  Within minutes (he was already on the bus on his way to school) I got multiple messages and calls from him demanding that I remove it.  I tried to figure out why?  What I had done wrong.  I am *usually* cautious with what i place connecting his name kowing how he is.  In this posting I commented that i was proud of him for his school choice and that he had made a good choice.  He didn't want it on there...so, I removed it and told him we'd discuss it when he got home.

When he got home, we discussed it.  He said his friends tease him because his mom is so weird.  He says they all follow my Facebook to learn about him.  And he hates it.  ***I finally have my following!!!*** and it took my own teenager to get there!!!  haha

Seriously though, Jari doesn't want his friends to know I am proud of him.  He doesn't want them to know what he does with us as a family.  He doesn't want them to know when he fails...okay, I get that he wants some privacy, but seriously?  He'd rather be non-existant.  At least when it comes to being my son.

Jari is going through a very rough time changing with hormones, etc.  He is changing from kid to, dare I say it, man.  And I am a very obliging and easy parent (I really and truly am).  Maybe even too much so...  But this change in him?  I don't like him as much as I used to.  He drives me crazy and I think his attitude sucks.  And I live for the moments he becomes my little boy again and snuggles up to me on the couch with his chocolate milk...cuz this teenaged friend I have become?  Not so cool...

It will change again...of that I am certain.  But for the time being, I sure wish I had a group of mom friends going through this same thing to discuss my weird kid with...but once again, I am unknown, while he is known and doesn't want to be...

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