Explode

I am at the point of nearly exploding. I feel as if I take another breath it's going to be the one that lets the dragon loose. I should leave the house and get some fresh air; remove myself from the danger zone. But I can't do that, fearful what should happen in my absence. I am totally on the edge, ready to jump off that highest bridge. I can't begin to describe how tense and tattered I feel. My muscles ache, my head is pounding, my mouth is dry. Physically I am aching. But even more painful is the fact that my spirit is crushed beyond recognition.

I feel ready to snap. The following word uttered shall be the one that crushes those sweet red cherries into a pulverized dripping mess in my hands. Cherry juice, pulp added...thick and red as blood.

My heart is beating, but feels as if it's boiling, bubbling up with every pump, leaving a fullness in my throat. If I swallow, it'll send the whole mess spilling over. I'm really not sure how much more I can take. This is not what I signed up for when I chose to be a mother and a wife. This is not what I wanted when I envisioned our little family of four. This is not the future my past presented to me, and the future I'm now envisioning won't be including me. The bridge is too close. The bile too burning.