It is nearly Mother's Day- once again, a day set aside to honor the woman whom gave me life. The woman whom brings me a security and trust I find with noone else...my mom.
I am on the bus heading towards yet another meeting for Kaeden. When I was a kid, I had no idea what a difficult job being a mother was. You made it look so easy- I always knew I was loved, always had everything I needed and more. Until I became a mother I had no idea of the sacrifices you made or the pain you had to endure. I had no idea how when your child's eyes twinkled your heart would glow or how an unexpected hug would make you feel as if you were encased in complete joy. I had no idea.
Now I know. As I head to another meeting hoping to find another manner to help my son, I feel the despair, the fear, the anger and unfairness of being a mother...all that I must endure. Yet, I go, I always go, hanging onto the shred of hope that never leaves my mind or heart when it comes to my children. Working towards those moments of success, wanting to find them, always searching, until we know without doubt that our child will find happiness, feel love, know care and achievement.
You made motherhood look easy, yet I struggle. I struggle to come to terms with knowing I can do no more than my best, and never knowing if my best will truly be what is best.
And then, I see him, my son...a tall figure in the distance. As he moves closer I note his grin, and it gets bigger the closer he comes. He moves towards me, towering over me, my boy, now already a man, and as he smiles so do I. His hug wraps me in everything I want, everything I need. And I hope, oh how I hope, it's all he wants and needs too---my love, my hope, my achievement, my success, my happiness---all wrapped up in one hug, in one boy...
and yet, I have two...one smaller, once younger, one completely opposite from the other in character and drive and desire...yet both so important, so fulfilling, so very mine...
I am mama.
And no matter what else comes and goes in life, whatever good or bad happens, nothing can take that away from me.
You made motherhood look easy. I learned it from the very best there is. I hope my children feel the same when they are forty years old, looking back upon their life. I hope I made it look easy, that they know, without a doubt, that my best truly was the very best.