Autism Counselor

Our autism counselor just left. She came today to discuss how Kaeden is doing...well, he's been okay, but things have been better. All the hoopla of the holiday season is difficult for him. He enjoys it so very much, while at the same time the stress is overwhelming for him. Think about how much the holidays throw you in a loop and multiply that by 100 times and you have an idea how it affects him. Every one of his senses works overtime every day of his life. Every sound, sight, smell, taste, and feeling is multiplied, and they all work simultaneously. He doesn't have the option of turning off his senses. For many people, walking in a kitchen with dinner cooking smells delicious. For Kaeden, all at once, he smells the dinner cooking, sees the mess on the countertop, his tastebuds work to bring the smell to fruition, he hears the sissing of the boiling water, he feels the heat in the air...and while we notice all of that, it comes in parts...for him it's like a sensory overload.

Our counselor reminded me that while "fun" activities such as amusement parks and carnivals and zoos are wonderful for the average person, autistic individuals go into sensory overload and it overtakes their entire system. She asked me not to forget a walk in the woods or a bike ride along quiet streets to help Kaeden relax during this busy period, to bring him peace and contentment in this world full of so many sights, sounds, and smells.

We discussed Jari, and how he will soon be bypassing Kaeden in many different ways as he grows and finds his way in this world. Kaeden will probably react to this negatively as he sees his brother succeed, while he realizes that Jari is more normal than he is. However, she also told me that in 99% of cases with an older autistic sibling, the younger child is more compassionate for his sibling, learns to help him through life, is there for him. The younger child cares about his sibling more than anyone, as he has always had this autistic child in his life. He hasn't known life any differently and needs the fulfillment of the autistic person in his life. Often, siblings of autistic children grow up to work in a profession working with people, because they ahve been trained from birth to recognize differences and emotions, to accept people for who they are. I know Jari is learning patience and acceptance even as he learns how easy it is for him to bring Kaeden to tears. I hope that in time he uses this ability for the good.

I was told that recent studies have proved that the father passes on the autistic gene to his child. In the case of an autistic father, their child will have autism with 54% if he is a boy and 34% if she is a girl. Our counselor told me that because of the high outcome of a child being born with autism, Kaeden should realistically not have children. It is passed on through the father. 90% of children that have autism have it from a gene passed from the father, 10% from some form of brain damage.

As for Kaeden's problem with cussing? We need to tell him what words he can use in place of the cuss words. He doesn't have the tools to figure out what he can say in place of the bad word, so he simply says the bad word. In the case when he is angry, he doesn't even recognize what he is saying or doing until after the fact. In these moments it in impossible to reach him. Even after, when he knows what he's done is wrong, he can't put two and two together to stop it the following time. With tools that we offer him to help, he may eventually be able to turn the behavior around, but it needs to be with assistance, as it is not something he can do on his own.

I don't know why I wanted to write about this today. I know only that it is always a relief to have the counselor come and talk with me about my son. She is someone who tells me each time Is ee her what a good job we are doing with our son. She says that Kaeden knows he is loved and feels secure enough with us to let his emotions and pain and fear show at home, even as he hides it when others are around. He needs to be accepted for who he is, and the older he gets, the more noticeable his handicap becomes, to us, to him, and to society. We need to be his lighthouse for this ship out at sea. We need to guide him, reach him, and give him strength and security. We need to love him.

Each time our counselor comes, I get teary-eyed as we discuss my child. I get teary-eyed as she tells me that the life I am leading is difficult, that having a child in a wheelchair with mental retardation is easier than dealing with the day in day out crisis of a child with autism. Because a child with autism is inconsistent, tiring, and stressful, and life never has teh easy feel of peace. As I tell her thank you as she walks out my door, I truly mean it. Thank you for helping me to understand, for coming to terms with this disability, for making me smile as I hear success stories and for making me cry as I share my pain and feeling of being an inadequate mother. Thank you for letting me be me, the mother of an autistic child.