How It Feels

You know what an amazing feeling it is to watch my son run up to his great gramma and encase her in a hug? Or to watch my son swimming in a pool, laughter sparkling across his face as he splashes water at his uncle? Or to wake up in the morning and hear the words "Where is my hug from my favorite boy?" asked by a favorite auntie? Or to be able to throw out a joke and roar in laughter as we all sit around a camping site fire pit sharing beer, happiness, and comforts of family? Or to drive up to the beach and watch a cousin wave as they see you pull up after years between visits?

This has been an amazing journey for me. I watch slightly from afar, as if my body and mind are on two separate planets. The level of comfort I feel here, sharing this time with my family, has given me something more than words can begin to explain. It isn't about all the fun stuff we've been enjoying, but more in the fact that we're able to share these special times. I am able to crack a joke and laugh on the spur of a moment. I don't have to think to speak and be understood, but it's an easy natural-ness that clings to me from within. And then reaches outward where I am able to be completely me...sometimes serious, sometimes sassy, sometimes just silly. It is so easy, so freeing, so spectacular!

My boys are so completely at ease. Even my little shy boy has been enveloped in acceptance and love, and he is coming into his own in this somewhat foreign place. But love knows no boundaries and he is completely encased in love, by all of these people that share their place in my family. Kaeden has had not a single episode since our arrival, as he basks in the support of these people that accept him for all he is, without judgement, without desire for him to be something he is not. Both my children are in their element, being a bit spoiled, but in return learning to show manners in the English language which they seem so completely familiar with all these thousands of miles away from their home and beds and toys. This all amazes me as I watch from my other planet within myself.

I am home. And yet, it is no longer home. What makes this place home is the comfort, support, and acceptance of the people I love, and return the love I give. This journey, thus far, has far exceded my every hope...and all those fears are but a memory in the distance. I am home. I am loved. And I am completely and truly and freely me.