Vegas

We made it to Vegas. It's definitely warmer than home and feels nice to walk in the sunshine without a winter coat and scarf keeping me warm. It's nice to be back in America, but it's been a slightly rocky adventure of sorts. I have family here visiting me before I attend the wedding of my girlfriend. At the moment, there are eight family members spread troughout this casino hotel, all here because they want to be here with me. It makes me feel special and loved, and I am thrilled they are all present, sharing their time with me. However, 10 people in one space with differing opinions makes for a bit of stress and pandemonium. Add to that 3 people who can't walk (oh, geez, my parents have aged with their health issues since I last saw them and it sincerely hurts my heart) in Vegas, and the choices are slightly limited. Spending days in a casino is not exactly a cup of tea. Though I enjoy trying out my luck for a $20 pop, that's about the extent of my gambling enjoyment. But sitting inside a casino for hours on end and those bells start pushing you, and when they do, your inner spirit falls as you realize that hard-earned cash is being thrown down the drain. It's not that I have lost much money, but it still seems so pointless. I can slightly understand how people get addicted, because it just makes you a bit crazy, all those clinks and bells and spinning wheels.

My dad gave a couple homeless people money yesterday while we were eating breakfast at Burger King on the way outta town to get into nature. I felt bad about telling him that he's just enabling them. My dad is a good, giving person, and would help the world if he could. Especially those less fortunate. He has a soft spot for people that need help. But here in Vegas, there are a LOT of homeless, and shelling out money to a select few is not going to save the world. It won't even save those few. And though I don't think that handing drunken homeless is the key to helping them, I wish I wouldn't have berated my dad for it. He was just trying to help, and I hope that he doesn't look at me in a more selfish light due to my viewpoint. I too would love to figure out how to save those 'lost' souls.

I My gramma could become one of those lost souls. Her gambling habits are quite profound, and it makes me ill to see her throwing her money away like she does. However, she enjoys gambling and told me that if it brings her happiness at this late stage in her life, why shouldn't she do it. Her children are all grown and living their own lives, and she can't take the money with her to her grave. She has a point, but thinking about all the places those hundreds could go besides a slot machine makes me reel in disbelief. I love her immensely and she is also giving and good, but her spending habits leave much to be desired. I hope that when I am her age I can find a worthier cause for my excess money.

I'm starting to miss my boys. They are in good hands, but I feel so far away from them...and I am. I hope they ae doing well and out time apart gives us the needed sustenance to be better parents. We desrve this time away, giving to ourselves, giving our marriage some much needed time and energy. I hope that we have the chance to allow that, and that I have the strength to place my husband at the top of my list instead of taking out my stresses on the person to whom I am closest and have chosen to be my partner in life. But I also hope he will try harder to give me time with my family without adding extra pressure to the already hectic nature of this trip. It has been SO long since I have been with them. All I want to do is curl up next to my mom in bed and let her play with my hair, just be with her. Our time is too short, too precious, and I'm feeling a bit dissatisfied.

So those are some random thoughts from Vegas. We are having fun and laughing and smiling and I adore having my loved ones close by. And I can't wait to see Tammy and watch her marry this man she has chosen, and hope that she truly has found the one. I'll let you know later if I come out of this crazy casino alive...