6.25.2010

Tight

Terror in his eyes
Teeth bared and a sob escapes
His body shaking
As he reaches for me
Clasps to me
Tight

I can't think of anything
But to get him away
Away from the fear
To stop the sobs
The bared teeth
The fear in his eyes
As he clutches to me
Tight

Down the stairs
The screaming
Kicking
Yelling
Nasty words
Just a distant drum
As I scramble to get him away
Away from the fear
As he grips my shoulders
Tight

His eyes when I dare to glance
Tell me all I need to know
Leave, go away, away from the fear
Give him a promise
As I clasp him
Tight
Security

Broken objects mirror broken hearts
Broken souls
Broken defeated fearful sad
I set him in the car
And he begins again
Sobs, shaking, terror
And I pull him to my lap
Screaming
Kicking
Anger just a distant background drum
Holding him against me
Tight

I promise him it will be okay
As his hand clutches mine in his
Tight
Tears still falling, silently
As I point out the big, round moon in the sky

I see the moon and the moon sees me
God bless the moon and God bless me
We chant together, fearful, unsure
His hand still wrapped in mine
Tight

No, don't go home yet, he begs
And I drive on, worried, fearful, scared, upset
But remembering the terror and unable
To place him in that moment yet again
Fear in his eyes
Trembling as he clasps onto me
Tight

I carry him inside
No more screaming
kicking
hitting
nasty words
Still afraid, clutching to me
Just take me to my bed
And I do, holding him
Tight

And the moon, round and big
And bright in the sky
Isn't peaceful, but looks
instead
like a great
emptiness
Tight
in my chest

As his sleep is filled
with jerks and sighs
I hold him, tears silently falling
On his cheek
As I kiss him
Holding him
Tight

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tera, that was beautiful, and heart-wrenching. Love you, girl *HUG*
Lis

Jade said...

Ohhh how I wish I could hug you my friend. I would do just about anything to squeeze you and share my peaceful energy with you.

You are strong. So is he, you will both find you way this I'm sure.
Hope you are off on your trip finding the peace and support you deserve.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

So full of emotion, so moving. I'm sorry that it's so hard sometimes, that we have to hurt like this. Thinking of you, sending love.