Home

Our family is now back intact. All of us are home after our vacations. We picked Kaeden up from the airport this morning and I was a nervous wreck waiting for him to come out the custom gates. I couldn't wait to see him, smell him, feel him. These past 6 weeks have felt like an eternity in this mother's life. But upon seeing his face, hearing him talk to me, watching his eyes light up and his smile explode on his face as he talked of his trip, it's as if he was never gone. And yet, he's been sleeping since half-way through our trip home. I managed to pry him out of the car and he collapsed into bed. He's cranky and sad and jet-lagged and tears tug from behind my eyelids as he cries for his gramma and grampa. I just wish there were a way....a way for us all to be together on this far-too-big planet. As much as I am happy to have my son home, another part of me longs for him to be in the comfort of his first home, back with gramma and grampa who love him as deeply as we here do, and it tears at my heart in some unexplainable way. My happy-family dreams have temporarily been shattered by the suffering of yet another good-bye. Will it ever get easier? Will I ever again feel completely whole? I hope that in the light of the dawn of a new morning, after we've all slept deeply and soundly, our family can once again rejoice in being together. My baby will turn six tomorrow. He deserves the sense of wholeness and the comfort of family on such a special day as his birthday. Tomorrow...tomorrow I will again dream of us being together as a family, the way we are meant to be, and make sure that that dream becomes a reality.