Reading and Writing

I have been reading a lot lately. I have become so involved in the stories, awaiting the following moments that come alive in my mind through the pages in the book. The stories I have been reading have all been stories about women during the World wars. What their lives were like, who they became, how they survived. I am entranced by this era, what women had to live through, the choices they have had to make in order to survive. And I have loved reading these stories.

However, I have been disappointed time and time again. Throughout the stories I have been so involved in the characters, the story line, my own visions coming to life in my mind. And at the end of each book, the story, so strong in the first 400 pages, has ended much too quickly, without a concrete ending, without fulfilling my ideals for the story. It is so disappointing to read all those pages, get so into it, not wanting to put the book down for fear of missing out, to come to the end and feel as if something has been stolen from me. A book needs a strong ending. It needs to make the reader feel as if those hours spent reading have given them satisfaction. The reader needs to come to the end sad that the book has ended.

The past 3 books I have read haven't left me feeling that way. As I turned the last page, I was plain angry at the last words. I could have created a much better ending, I think. I could have made the reader feel that the story is complete. I could have given a deeper satisfaction.

Yet, until the ending, it was a good book. How could something so strong end so piddly-poo? How come I feel cheated? And is it really the story, or is something more going on within my mind? Why have three books, one after another, all disappointed when I was so involved throughout each?

I'm wondering what I am expecting? Why wasn't it enough? Could I do better? Could I actually write a book and leave the reader feeling complete at the end of the story? Is it my time to finally become an author? It's somethign I have been told, my entire life, that I have the ability to do. People always read my words and tell me I should be a writer when I create a story. It's something I have always wanted to do, but never knew exactly how to do it. But, I am considering taking that leap. I want to hold one book in my hands with the author staring back at me someone I personally and intimitely know. I want to see my name in print.

I want to be a writer.