Boys

We were busy this weekend. It was a really great family weekend and we had a really good time as a family. The fighting was at bay and there were lots of games and playing that gave me hope that our family was okay. I was relaxed and calm and had fun being a mom. Erwin and I joked with each other and I had fun being a wife. And the interactions between all of us were just what the doctor ordered to make me feel a bit more secure with this life I lead. It was the weekend I needed to give me that recharge and strength to go on.

I picked my son up and carried him during one of our jaunts this weekend. He pulled my face to his and asked for nose kisses, cheek kisses, and chin kisses. I obliged. As we walked, he stroked my hair, time and time again. As I set him back down after making our way through the crowds he gave me a last kiss and whispered in my ear: I love you, mama...before he was gone, running to explore the world.

As I tucked my son into bed, he asked me to please lay with him. As I snuggled tight against the warmth of his body, he looked at me with his hazel-y eyes and told me: Mom, I have a secret to tell you. Do you know how much I love you? No, I answered. How much? Well, you have to guess. More than all the stars in the sky? Nope. More than this much (stretching my arms wide)? Nope. Hmmm, more than, more than I love you? Nope. Cuz you love me the very best and you're my best friend and I love you a million, 3 trillion, miljaard, hundred thousand euros! And I love Papa that much too, cuz he's the best Papa in the world and you're the best mama I ever had. And with a big kiss he turned to spoon into my body again and demand that I rub his hair. I obliged.

My boys, though sometimes demonic, still possess a sweetness that brings me to my knees. And it's for moments like these that I go on, holding out for their love, for their giving, caring, wholesomeness, and hope beyond hope that I am giving them what they need to nurture their sweetness. For they nurture mine, as was apparent in this wonderful family weekend.