Integration

Integrating into scociety. Hmmm, what does that mean to me? I thought I had it licked when I attended all the classes to learn to speak Dutch, the culture classes I was required to attend learning about the government, geography, schooling, customs, etc in Holland. I passed all the tests with flying colors and was proud of my accomplishments, even if I realized the goverment definition of integrated didn't exactly make me a person integrated into society. All the cultural differences are just too great and will take a lifetime to come to terms with. However, I could live here and happy, be understood and understand in terms of language and the reasons behind their ways of thinking and working. Good. Integrated...or not?

Pop, we move off to Belgium. Another new country, with new challenges and customs, another language. I'm once again lost. Since moving to Belgium, I feel less integrated. I haven't taken the steps to become a full member of our community, I have no concept of how things work, the language continues to baffel me when the people speak in their native dialect, which is natural to them rather than the true Dutch. I've realized how much I don't understand in simple things, like making playdates with Jari's friends. I asked a mom if her son could come play one day on a Friday afternoon. "Friday?" she asked with shock. Normally Wednesday is play day as kids have afternoons off. She agreed to let her son come on Friday, but it was very uncomfortable for me when I realized the mistake I had made. And then there is the sharing custom...if your child goes to another's home, you are expected to reciprocate the following time. Okay, this I can get. However, when Jari is invited to 3 different kids in 3 weeks, then how can I reciprocate before getting those weird looks from the moms wondering why I haven't asked their child to come play...throw in a couple birthday parties in the mix and my schedule is really oof whack. And this is just one small example. In Holland, playdates were made at teh school and the kids came home with you diretly following lessons, whatever the day. Here, it is a definite weekly schedule. I'm getting used to it.

I signed myself up to join the women's club in our village next year. I want to be more a part, speak to people by name when I see them on the street rather then giving my usual smile and nod of the head. I want to be able to have a conversation with teh moms as we wait for our children at school rather than always talking about "the weather" if I get into the conversation at all. I want to be invited to have coffee at someone's home after dropping the kids off rather than returning to my own empty nest. I want to fit in, darn it all! So, I joined this club and I hope it will bring me a bit of constructive time for myself doing activities I enjoy, such as the cooking classes, flower arranging, and trips to different museums. I'm looking forward to it, though I admit I am also scared. I wish I could at least understand the Limburg dialect so I wouldn't have to say "Sorry?" everytime someone started speaking to me. And in groups, my level of understanding is even lower. All the different conversations taking place make your mind go a bit crazy and it's difficult to focus on one conversation. Add to that a bit of music or other background noise and your brain really takes a beating. I'm usually exhausted after a group function, unless I have just tuned it all out and turned into a loner during the party.

Anyway, Jari's teacher asked me to join the village choir a couple days ago. Doesn't matter that I can't sing worth a darn, it will help me better integrate and have a few friends she told me. It meets weekly and it's more a social gathering I take it, though they do give a few concerts every eyar. So, should I go? I do want to be integrated to this village society and I would like my own personal friendships...however, choir??? That's something I haven't given a thought to sicne I dropped out of junior high choir in 8th grade....hmmm...tune for thought, I suppose.