I'm Not Bitter

So, a couple weeks back I asked my wonderful husband if he wanted to go with me to a friendly soccer match between the Holland national team and Denmark...it is tonight and the preparation for the upcoming European Championships. When I asked, he quickly and without doubt resounded "NO WAY!" His reason? Simply put, he went to a game at the Philips stadium years ago, and was unable to sit in his reserved seats due to being overfilled, and he has refused to return to the stadium since then. It is simply an issue of priciple, and he has/d no desire to ever return. So, no, he didn't wish to attend the game and have a date night with his wife...who really wanted to attend.

Fast-forward a week. He calls me from work and asks if we have any plans this week Thursday (tonight). I told him no, there was nothing on the calendar, even then considering asking again, unless he had reconsidered attending the game with me. So, I asked what was up. He told me we'd talk about it when he got home.

Come to dinner time...we're sitting around the table eating and he non-chalantly says that he's going to teh Nederland game next Thursday. Food splutters from my mouth, I quickly stand from my chair and walk away with a huge "NOW I AM PISSED" singing from my mouth. I see his smile disintegrate from his face as he responds, "I knew you we're going to react that way." I step outside, away from the reality of the situation, and he joins me after he'd finished his dinner. He tells me that it is a work meeting he needs to attend, a team-building exercise with his new team, and that no, normally he wouldn't want to go, but under the circumstances, he is expected to attend for work. He tells me that as soon as he was confronted with the situation, he was worried about what my reaction would be. And it seems he had every right to be.

So, fast-forward again to this morning. We haven't really discussed the situation again. I still feel a bit let down, but it is more that I don't get to go. I love watching soccer, especially our national team in action, and haven't yet attended a game in all the years I have lived here. It is something I really want to experience. And eventually, I will.

Anyway, I noticed his orange Holland t-shirt on the bathroom counter, and he picked up a Holland flag cap from off the coat stand as he left this morning. He's heading off to do something I wanted to do with him. He's going out for a terrific dinner at an Argentinean restaurant, then heading to cheer on his country, seeing live what WE never miss on TV. He told me to watch for him on tv tonight as I watch the game. And I feel again. let down. I want it to be me. I want to share something we both love, a good dinner out, away from the kids, and a fun, exciting game with my husband. But tonight, we won't be doing either. Tonight, it'll be him, off to 'some work function' while I prepare dinner, help with homework, and get the kiddos ready for bed. Just like every other night.

However, something I learned through my disappointment is that Erwin deserves to enjoy life too. He works hard, he is here for his family supporting us and loving us through all the ups and downs, he should be able to attend an evening out without the fury of his wife striking down upon him. But, I'll be watching the game on TV, and hoping to catch him on tv in the stands, orange t-shirt, Holland cap, and his judgement day upon him...going against his moral values purely for work purposes...ha...yeah right. I better not see any smile on his darling little face as he cheers for his countrymen...not his wife, but 4 colleagues by his side....dammit it all anyway! I am not bitter...