I'm Not Bitter

So, a couple weeks back I asked my wonderful husband if he wanted to go with me to a friendly soccer match between the Holland national team and Denmark...it is tonight and the preparation for the upcoming European Championships. When I asked, he quickly and without doubt resounded "NO WAY!" His reason? Simply put, he went to a game at the Philips stadium years ago, and was unable to sit in his reserved seats due to being overfilled, and he has refused to return to the stadium since then. It is simply an issue of priciple, and he has/d no desire to ever return. So, no, he didn't wish to attend the game and have a date night with his wife...who really wanted to attend.

Fast-forward a week. He calls me from work and asks if we have any plans this week Thursday (tonight). I told him no, there was nothing on the calendar, even then considering asking again, unless he had reconsidered attending the game with me. So, I asked what was up. He told me we'd talk about it when he got home.

Come to dinner time...we're sitting around the table eating and he non-chalantly says that he's going to teh Nederland game next Thursday. Food splutters from my mouth, I quickly stand from my chair and walk away with a huge "NOW I AM PISSED" singing from my mouth. I see his smile disintegrate from his face as he responds, "I knew you we're going to react that way." I step outside, away from the reality of the situation, and he joins me after he'd finished his dinner. He tells me that it is a work meeting he needs to attend, a team-building exercise with his new team, and that no, normally he wouldn't want to go, but under the circumstances, he is expected to attend for work. He tells me that as soon as he was confronted with the situation, he was worried about what my reaction would be. And it seems he had every right to be.

So, fast-forward again to this morning. We haven't really discussed the situation again. I still feel a bit let down, but it is more that I don't get to go. I love watching soccer, especially our national team in action, and haven't yet attended a game in all the years I have lived here. It is something I really want to experience. And eventually, I will.

Anyway, I noticed his orange Holland t-shirt on the bathroom counter, and he picked up a Holland flag cap from off the coat stand as he left this morning. He's heading off to do something I wanted to do with him. He's going out for a terrific dinner at an Argentinean restaurant, then heading to cheer on his country, seeing live what WE never miss on TV. He told me to watch for him on tv tonight as I watch the game. And I feel again. let down. I want it to be me. I want to share something we both love, a good dinner out, away from the kids, and a fun, exciting game with my husband. But tonight, we won't be doing either. Tonight, it'll be him, off to 'some work function' while I prepare dinner, help with homework, and get the kiddos ready for bed. Just like every other night.

However, something I learned through my disappointment is that Erwin deserves to enjoy life too. He works hard, he is here for his family supporting us and loving us through all the ups and downs, he should be able to attend an evening out without the fury of his wife striking down upon him. But, I'll be watching the game on TV, and hoping to catch him on tv in the stands, orange t-shirt, Holland cap, and his judgement day upon him...going against his moral values purely for work purposes...ha...yeah right. I better not see any smile on his darling little face as he cheers for his countrymen...not his wife, but 4 colleagues by his side....dammit it all anyway! I am not bitter...


Jade said...

Wow, I'd be pissed too Tera! I think you handled it wonderfully, and yes I do agree with you that hubby needs to enjoy life and that he is described by you to be a great husband and dad, but you need to enjoy life as well. I think you do an amazing balancing act with him, the boys, and providing everything you do for all of them. I wish you weren't across the ocean, or once he said "no" to your initial request you could have called me up, we could have dressed in orange, watched some soccer and drank beer!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to make sure "tera" gets what she needs to.Its wonderful that your boys and husband are so well taken care of, but you need to care for you too. Make sure you get the little things out of life so that you can sustain..

My objective opinion.... lol next time you really want to do something, and he doesn't want to, say "alrighty then, you have fun with the boys, I'm calling a friend and still going!"

Anonymous said...

Ok, that would upset me pretty badly. But listen, the NEXT time you want to go to a Dutch football game and your husband doesn't want to go..... CALL YOUR FRIEND! I would LOVE to go!! :)


Casdok said...

Of course your not!!!

V-Grrrl said...

That sucks. I'd be upset too.

Alison said...

I am sorry Tera, I would feel the same way as you....It would be very hard to not be disappointed and upset.

Claudia said...

I'd be bitter. Damn men and their insensitivity. Why can't they enjoy things like that WITH us??!

Anonymous said...

And he couldn't buy you a ticket and take you with him because? Or tell his "team" that unfortunately he had already made plans to watch that game with his wife (even if it was at home?) No, I agree with you 100%! This time it's really not about Hot Dogs... it was inconsiderate and downright mean for him to go to that game.


Anonymous said...

I can't seem to get this post out of my head. I'm going to have to agree with the comment from "Tam" on this one. Every time I think about it *I* get angry, and it didn't even happen to me. I can't even imagine how it made you feel.