No Flow

My words seem to be unable to flow. I am trying to write something special for my grampa's 90th birthday party and I haven't managed to put together a single coherent line...just lots of little thoughts all stuck in mourning in my head, waiting for their place in this wonderful story creation which lives in my brain, but not on paper. I come here to write what's happening and tell the stories of our family and after writing a couple lines I hit the X and close it down, because my thoughts are just not ready to be released into words. My parents called me yesterday and I think they are probably still shaking their heads in confusion. I spoke with them but I am not sure the conversation was a very productive one. Even to my own ears I sounded in a distant land and my thoughts were strangled as I tried to form them into words.

I think my brain is full...full of too much and ready to explode, but not in the meaningful, wordy way I am desiring. Too many thoughts, too many opinions, too many reviews, too many memories...and too little actual writing to release it all.


Jade said...

Aww my friend. You sound baked at the moment. You've got so much going on in your life and heart right now. I know its hard not to expect perfection from yourself, but hopefully you can somewhat see that you have had and are still having a very hectic time.
There is a lot going on right now for you. You're thinking about your eldest, you're thinking about your youngest, you're being a wife, you're trying to console yourself, I'm sure you're doing for and listening to others as much as you can.... I think all of that would make anyone have a creative/verbal backup.
I have to ask, what are you doing for you? What are you doing to care for yourself during such a hectic and emotional time in your life? Where are you getting comfort from? As humans we can't run on empty forever...it most always leads to a backup or an outburst of sorts.
By no means will I tell you how and what to do with yourself, but as a friend and someone that cares about you and your family, I will suggest that you take some time out for Tera. Even if its just 30 minutes a day of doing what relaxes you and helps you feel grounded.
From my experiences in life, things flow much smoother when we are able to release our tight grip on things...if that makes sense.

Please know that I'm always just an email away girl.
Big hugs your way!

Alison said...

take a deep breath and be kind to yourself...I agree with everything Jade said....time and patience and kindness are the best things for you right now. the words will come when they are ready.