A Whole Lotta Stuff

First and Foremost, let me take just a moment to remember the lives of my fellow Americans seven years ago today. 911, a day that changed the world. A few days back Erwin and I were watching a documentary about 911. He told me that he never had the opportunity to see the twin towers in person. I looked at him in shock and horror. In all of our travels, my husband never had the experience of seeing the New York skyline as it was meant to be. I am thankful that I did. That remembering the way it used to be (in more ways than one) and taking to heart all the lives forever changed, the lives lost, the change that has since taken place in America. My son, just a newborn at the time, now 7 years old, without an awareness of life before 911. But I remember. And I choose to remember.

I took Jari to soccer practice yesterday. 2 other moms were there, 1 from our team, the other from another team. We used to all be incorporated into one team, but they spilt off this year. We moms weré talking, discussing the split teams (something that doesn't bother me in the least, but which seems to threaten every other 'soccer mom'...yeah, you know the ones...that can't go to the bathroom without another mommy there to hold their hand...uh huh). ANyway, the mom from our team told the other mom that she hates the split because she has NOONE to talk to any more. Uhm, HELLO??? Am I NOONE? Do you see me standing here? Am I nothing to you? Talk about feeling hammered into the ground. Made me re-feel all the reasons I do not fit into European life. Made me struggle to keep my head on and not pack my bags for 'home'. I mean really, how utterly rude can a person be? I sincerely wish I had said soemthing at the moment it happened. Instead, I hung my head in shame, my mind a whirlwind of reactions I should have used. Rude, plain and simple.

We have new neighbors. While we were in the states, the new neighbors moved in. They are a young (early 20's) Turkish couple and live upstairs with the plan to rent the downstairs. Anyway, I hadn't had contact with them, until....
I was cutting up a tree we were pruning. They came knocking on my door later that evening and told me that my mess was bothering them. That they like things to be neat and proper, and wanted me to move my mess from the front of their garage. Well, I assured them that I would be cleaning up the mess, but that I planned to finish cutting the tree before I took it all to the dump. And then I sprung on them that actually, the garage they want the mess moved from is illegal and needs to come down. They told me they has asked to have it legalized. Monday morning I went to the city hall and inquired about our rights and whether permission was granted for the garage to stand. It wasn't. I was informed I needed to have a surveyor come and speak with the notary that drew up the paperwork when we purchased our home. So, I called the surveyor and they came...and I discovered that we own more land than I realized and we can take access of all of it (if we choose to be bitchy neighbors, which we won't, but still...). The way our house is divided is a complete disarray and in order to access their yards, both our neighbors need access through our land. And, we are willing to give them that access, as long as they remove the old garage which borders our property...and was placed there illegally and still sits there illegally. Anyway, I so want to go and throw a whole lot of tree branches right on my property (which backs the door to the illegal garage) and make as big a mess as I can, because I can, because it's my land, and the hostile neighbors had NO right to come and tell me to move my mess in the first place. I am happy we're going to get this all corrected, but I am sorry there has to be trouble with the neighbors. Until now, we have loved our neighborhood and direct neighbors, and we all coexist happily...without much interaction other than a friendly hello on ocassion...but now, it seems the war is on. I just hope it doesn't coem down to a court battle. I am really nervous about that happening. But, I am not willing to lose the land I pay taxes for and in which my children could have space to play, and I could grow a bigger garden on. So, I will be fighting for what is rightfully mine.

Today we had family counseling at the psych hospital. It was a difficult appointment for me. They are discovering that Kaeden's reaction to feelings comes in the form of anger. Since he doesn't know how to show sadness, worry, fear, confusion, or anger, he just wallops it all together in a big fit of rage. This made a lot of sense to me...but it still hurts. Now, how to go about helping him to understand emotions. I hope they have some advice to go with the observations. There was a whole lot more that happened during the session, but I 'won't get into all of it. However, Kaeden had a bad day yesterday, which made them try to determine what happened that made him upset, since he can't voice his emotions. It finally came out that mama cried when she told Kaeden goodbye during their visit and he didn't know why she was crying...and it bothered him...and it always bothers him when mama cries, because he doesn't know why mama is crying. And when I was asked to explin it to him, I cried again...and so did my son...which seems to me a very positive reaction in a child who has difficulty showing emotion. I think, as difficult as the session was for all of us, it was also a very rewarding one.

So, we got home to pick Jari up from daycare, where he was instructed to go when school let out. EXCEPT, Jari forgot he was supposed to go to daycare this afternoon...so, there stood my little guy, in the schoolyard waiting for mama, and waiting, and waiting...until finally the teacher waiting with him took him in her car to daycare, still unsure where mama was. Even when I am on track and have everything scheduled out and I'm doing all a mama is supposed to do...well, even then, it sure seems like I manage to screw things up...even when it's not my fault!!! When I asked him if he was sad or scared waiting for me, and Erwin asked if he cried, he said "No, I just had sand in my eyes." I think that says enough, even if it is cute in that sorta sad little boy way.

So, can I possibly fit anythign else on this page? Of course I can!!! :-0 But I'm going to stop here and go rest after a busy day of emotions and more emotions floating in, upon, and around me. Until tomorrow (when the workers will hopefully be replacing the sidewalk that they removed from the front of my house this morning and is now a huge dirt pit in which to fall and bring even more dirt into the house with.....)


Jade said...

Wow! What a post. First of all, I have to say " I hear ya sister" on the rude, obnoxious neighbors. I have one myself. I think you handled your situation way better than what I would have done. Crys and I have a man that NEVER leaves his apartment living above us. He stops and trots around not realizing he's walking on our ceiling, wakes up at all times of the night banging and turning machines on....I've come SOOOOO close to letting the air out of his tires or throwing cat shit on his patio. HEHEHE... Sadly, I'm serious... So...I give you much congrats for handling it as maturely as you did. Hopefully you guys will find a way to co-exist.

To hit on another part of your post...I have tons of lessons and exercises I utilize when working with my clients that don't understand emotion or don't necessarily know how to express how they feel. I'll spare you post with it all, but if you're interested in my techniques just drop me a email ;-)

You've got so much going on right now girly. I think you're doing amazingly! I know thats probably hard to hear from where you're standing and how you feel at the moment, but most would have already cracked in half if they even had to live with a quarter of what you're gone through and live on a daily basis. And though its natural to want to blame ourselves for problems of life and the world, I will always be there to remind you that...shit girl... you're doing great with what you've got! And you know what, if I was a soccer mom, you and I would go out after the games ( of course leaving the little one's with the significant other) and go have a few margaritas! Let the stuck up soccer moms that think their shit doesn't stink talk amongst themselves! They have no substance in their lives! I've seen them! And totally laughed when I read your description of them going to the bathroom, because it is so accurate!

Above all, I want to say this my friend. It is ok to cry. In fact it is healthy. If your kids see it its ok. Just do the best you can do explain to them why you're crying (if appropriate of course) and share with them that its ok to cry sometimes. You live in a tough and stressful situation girl. A few tears are expected. Please just know that you don't have to be a rock 100% of the time. Because you know what....rocks crumble too.

Please know that you and your family are in my daily thoughts and prayers, and if you ever need a friend you know how to get a hold of me :-)

Alison said...

ahh Tera..you have definitely had a rough go of it lately.....big hugs to you. I agree with you on seeing the progress with Kaeden when he cried, that must have warmed your heart. Hold on to these moments and reflect on them, they are diamonds in the rough right now for you and you need all the diamonds you can find. I am glad Jari had a safe place to go and a loving teacher to help him. This happened to my son last year. It was on the day of my friend's funeral and Dave was supposed to pick him up after school...when I got home 2 hours after school was over Dave realized that he "forgot"....I was livid, but I knew that Michael was safe because the daycare is on the school site...it did break my heart thinking of Michael waiting and noone coming....I know the feeling.

Jade said...

Hope you had a peaceful weekend girl!