Different People

Monday I took the boys to a Carnaval parade in the town next to us. Oma came with us and we were walking through town to find our perfect place to catch goodies they might throw our way. The kids were excited and kept telling us how much stuff they were going to get...bags full! At one point a mom and little girl came up to us and started talking to Kaeden. He knew her from his bus though you'd never have guessed it from him. He didn't say a thing to her. Anyway, we stood there to wait for the parade and were pulled into the world of this mom. She was so extroverted and loud, dancing around and shouting, telling us more about her life in ten minutes time than I'd tell a stranger on the street in a lifetime. We couldn't get a word in edge-wise, and oma and I kept giving each other the look. Yep, you know, that one that says "What a loser!" We remained cordial to her, but didn't try to become too friendly. She was one of those people that would be your best friend standing on your doorstep at the crack of dawn every day if you let her get too close. Not my cup of tea. She was quite simply overpowering and living a bit in her past. She was about 30 years old from what I could tell, recently divorced with one child, and had won a championship for being in the color guard. She told story after story about her memories of the parade she marched in and as each flaot came by with teenagers dancing and drinking, she whooped and yelled, danced around and sang to the songs...as if she was one of them.

Well, this woman has really been on my mind the past few days. I feel for her. I think she is going through a really rough time in her life and could use a good friend. One comment she made really hit home with me. She commented on one of the cons of our children attending a special school is that we as parents don't have that circle of "friendship" from other parents that going to a local school brings. We don't get to talk to other moms, get to know the other kids, or have that sense of community. Yet another reason we as parents of a handicapped child get "jipped". Our children don't have local friendships, they are separated even further from the community by attending a school in which is suited to their needs. It's a bit like a dog chasing his tail. A never ending circle that never comes to completion or justice. It stinks.

This woman is recently divorced, has a handicapped child (the only reason I know this is because her daughter attends Kaeden's school), and has a need for mother friendships. This was obvious in her excitement at having us to talk to. She is just going about it in all the wrong ways with her overbearing and strong extroversion. But is that any different than the way I go about it? I too am a mother of a special needs child with a need for more social contacts. Yet, I am the opposite of this woman I met at the parade. I am much too introverted and tend to give off the signal that I don't need anythign from anyone. I don't make small talk, I don't involve myself in the conversations, I don't assert myself with the other parents. I am kind and smile, wave, and say hello...but rarely do I feel a part of the group and sometimes I miss that. When I do take initiative and make conversation, it's usually one on one and I have to be in a very strong mood to do so. It's not that I'm antisocial, but I don't put myself out there like I could, and should if I want more contact in the world of socail activity and friendship.

I've been really feeling bad about my reaction to this other mother. I wish I had given her just a bit more of myself, a bit more compassion and understanding. She may have calmed down a bit and been someone who I could have had a meaningful conversation with, even if it was purely for the handicapped children we have in common. We are really two very different people in our take on life, but really, we're quite the same in the great scheme of things. We all just want to be understood and accepted, feel a part, feel important. So, what's so different about us after all?