Something Hit Home

This morning I was reading through my favorite blogs before starting my day. This post by Min really hit home. I wasn't at back to school night when it happened, but I have many moments like these in my daily life with my son. With the far too many negative moments we share, due to his autism and aggression (which I am convinced he got from his father...and it helps me understand his father and have a bit of compassion for him, tho I will never be okay with how he treated me or Kaeden in our time together), there are moments when I look at my not so little son and say a word of thanks to the man that helped bring him into my life. And, I am also grateful that he was never involved in our lives and I had enough sense to leave before it was too late. However, those genes play a role, and sometimes I just stand there and see the man I shared a brief few years of my life with, and remember all the moments of fun we had. Of course, I also remember the dreadful times that made him the monster I often think of him as. But, I hope that I am raising my son in an environment filled with love and care and security that he can grow up to be a man much better than his father. And without his father, there never would have been Kaeden, and for that, I am grateful every single day of my life. That man will never be my son's Papa, he was able to claim a Papa whom he loves and who loves him back, a man that acepted us with open arms and has continued to love and care for us through all the ups and downs, staying even through autism rearing it's nasty head. Erwin is Kaeden's Papa, the only Papa he's ever known, the only Papa he will ever have, but he can never be his father, the man that helped bring me the gift of his life. Lucky for me, Erwin and I share that experience together in the form of our son, Jari. So, I have this gift of life brought to me by someone I never again hope to lay eyes on. And yet, I owe him a world of thanks. Because regardless of whatever else Kaeden brings into my life, he has without doubt brought me more love than I ever knew was possible. So, here's the post Min wrote, which got me to thinking...
http://blogs.chron.com/mamadrama/archives/2007/09/going_back.html#comments