I'm writing this post in Jari's favorite color. He loves blue...we have only just begun to understand why, as with his color-blindness it's one of the colors he sees perfectly. Blue, blue, blue, it's all about blue. And you know what else is blue? His eyes. They are dreamy, sparkling, and so enticing. I love his eyes. And yesterday, I experienced a deep gratification after seeing his eyes really sparkle and shine and well, he just twinkled. It gave me so much happiness, something that started in the cavities of my heart and rocked through to my toes and then shivered into my fingertips and made it's way all the way to the hairs raised on the top of my head.
You see, Jari and I don't have the opportunity to go out together to do fun stuff just the two of us. We spend lots of time in each other's company playing soccer or going for a bike ride or making lunches together or running errands...but actually a fun day out? It happens rarely. You see, I have another kid. I have a husband. And those fun days out are usually reserved for family days. Which is really great, but it doesn't give me time for just my lil guy. But, yesterday, it was all about Jari. And it was more than I could have imagined, dreamed, or hoped. It was perfection, put on the highest pedestal. It was all things grand wrapped into the fingers of my little boy.
We dropped Erwin off at the train station and drove Kaeden to his autism camp. And then, Jari and I headed to the zoo. And we laughed at the animals, we giggled at the bumps during the jungle express ride, we played on piles ok rocks and watched a circus with a horse that could count. We ate lunch together in the cafe and bought popcorn to share at the circus. And we held hands and looked into each other's eyes, and really, truly enjoyed sharing the day together. It was like I was in a state of bliss, and nothing could take my mood down even a little notch. When Jari wrapped his arms around my legs, looked up into my eyes, and exclaimed "I love you, mama!" it was like the waters parted and I was taken directly to heaven.
I can't even really explain why it felt so good. But I do know that it was exactly what both of us needed, this bonding mama and boy time, this day of perfection to renew our relationship, a chance to erase autism from our lives for just a day. A chance for him to just be a kid, and me to see a happy, smiling little boy, be the mama I only dream of being...to give, give, and give some more, and in return, take this feeling, this indescribable feeling, to fill my every nerve ending with pride and joy and love and hope and...well, it was so, so pure.
Here are just a few little glimpses of our day...do you see those shining eyes? Can you feel my passion about my son? Can you see his extreme freedom and happiness? Thank you, Jari, for letting me be your mama, for completing my heart wholly, and just for being you. I love you, little bug.