Shedding Tears

http://www.autismspeaks.org/sponsoredevents/autism_every_day.php
I received a post through my autism parenting group which shared a link to a video. So many things in the video hit home and the tears couldn't stop flowing. I hope you will take a minute to look at this video. It may give you a bit of a glimpse into the life of autism that you don't see on the outside. The thing that hit me hardest was what happens when I am gone? Will my son ever marry and have children? What does Jari think of having an autistic brother? How do we manage all the extra costs? How much does our marriage suffer because of the time and attention and energy that Kaeden takes? My son is autistic. It isn't something that I can take away and change as much as I wish I could for him. I don't mind going through the heartbreak day in and day out of my life to make his life be okay. But for him, how I wish I could take it all away and bring him normalcy. When people see Kaeden or even spend a bit of time with him, they won't recognize him as autisitc. I think in living with autism that is the hardest part. People often comment that he seems fine or he's doing okay or he doesn't seem autistic, yet he is and in making those statements they are taking away a part of him. They are taking away this child's work in which he strives so hard to live in our world. They aren't accepting him for who he is and also making me question myself...am I overreacting, am I expecting too much, am I seeing things that aren't there? After those initial hours, it is noticeable that something is "different" about my son, but in those first moments as he strives to fit in and be seen as normal, people may not notice his quirks. They see his contagious smile and hear his heartwarming laugh, they watch him play and run about and speak in full sentences, they see him give hugs and just be a kid...and in one moment it can all be gone as something upsets him, something nobody, including myself can understand, and this happy, free child is gone, taken into his world of autism, where anger and aggressiveness and fear replace the child that was only moments before. They don't see the moments that I try to give him a hug and he shrugs it away or the moments that he asks me to not touch him cuz he doesn't like the way it feels. They don't see him as he stims on money and no matter what we do to try and get him off-topic, the only thing that will keep him calm is counting change and running it through his fingers and discussing how much he has until he is literally quivering. They don't notice the wet pants when the atmosphere brings too much stimulation and his mind can't concentrate enough to recognize he needs to use the bathroom. They dn't see that this is a child of 11 years as he plays and acts more like a child of 5 or 6. My child is autistic. Please let me accept that without placing doubts within my soul. I worry about enough without needing that doubt hovering over me as well. Please let Kaeden be himself, be proud of who he is rather than pretending he's someone he is not. Autism sucks, plain and simple. But it is a part of our lives, a part that we do our best to work through and overcome the challenges. We have therapiists and doctors and home trainers and autism society and special babysitting services and special education classes and...we have all of their opinions and that plays enough havok on our brains. We worry enough. We love him deeply. We hope that he will succeed and grow into a well-adjusted man. I think this video will be good for people to see, to get a glimpse of life with autism. I hope that in my post and the video you will come to understand that what we need is support, plain and simple. Tears don't do the trick, no matter how many tears I shed. Here's the link. Please watch...and understand!
http://www.autismspeaks.org/sponsoredevents/autism_every_day.php