Time

Where oh where do the days go? It seems that I open my eyes in the morning, stirring in my bed and suddenly dinner time is upon me, kids home from school, husband home from work, time for me to fulfill my duties as mama and wife. But the rest of the day? I don't know what I do with my life. I have a very hard time being alone with me. I can't organize my time or my life, I can't get motivated, and once that 4 oçlock bell rings I suddenly realize the day is almost over and I have not accomplished a single thing. It is not a good feeling, day in and day out sitting waiting for something to happen to give me something to talk about, to feel as if I am important, to be me. The me I am now is not a positive thing. I do a few little tasks around the house, I watch a little tv, I do a bit on the computer, I buy groceries, pick Jari up at the scheduled hours, never challenging myself, not even a desire to challenge myself. I am not depressed, I have been that route and this is not depression, but I am lost. Who am I? What am I here on earth to do? How can I create a life as me that I can be happy with? It's as if I while away the day doing nothing...walking through a clouded blur that is my life. Maybe I need to make lists. Maybe I need to summon up some pride. Maybe I need to have more respect for who I am. I don't really know, but the days just pass me by far too quickly and I wonder just where I will be when tomorrow once again comes...